Thursday, May 28, 2009

Take A Load Off Sally


This week I feel as though it is time to strip myself down. I am not sure why this is, but it keeps coming to me in those quiet times that I indeed need to attempt to carry a lighter load. To be honest, I was unaware of the load that had built up in recent months, but suddenly, there it is.

Funny how that happens. We carry so much around and never really know it, I suspect because it builds over time in small increments. Interactions with the world seem a bit like an air conditioner filtre- the more you use it, the more dust and detritus builds up. We never think twice of cleaning the filtres, we even put them on a schedule and the guy from Sears comes out and changes them. Why don't we do the same thing for our selves?

Meditation. I know. You are saying, "Adrienne. Meditation is the answer! Why do you fight this?" I don't. Truly. I meditate enough to know I need to do it more and that I need to go more deeply into it when I do. Lately, I have started to wonder if it isn't time for a retreat?

Of course, as soon as I say "retreat", I begin to do just that! The little thoughts that start the questioning that trigger the avalanche of doubt- How do I get time to do this?, What if I end up sick like I do every time I try to go more deeply?, Who will come out the other end of it?... While you are not supposed to embark on this kind of thing without some kind of intention, I sometimes think there has to be an element of faith that it will be OK so that you can just jump in.

Perhaps in living with intent and consciousness, we have to be conscious of just getting on with it. Could it be that living with the simple intent of just plunging in is enough? Knowing that we know nothing seems like it should be enough for getting on with. There is no way to see what will happen if indeed I do just strip away the layers, and there is no way to do anything other than just plunge in.

More to come.


Kat said...

The lightness around you is palpable Adrienne, don't know why I sense this, there is something about your words and expressed unsurety, that falls gently into my mind and there it is, an ease with uncertainty, a softness and a warmth. ever tried EFT? (emotional freedom techniques) I have a a friend, a practitioner, again dont know why I mention this, but it has to do with using the tips of your fingers to tap yes literally tap yourself on various body chakra points while dialoging. i have found it to be an amazingly easy 'healing' experience and also it sets up my mind in a way that is very much like meditation, almost like, 'do tapping and then ease into meditation with vitality and less resistence' and also for me personally i never really 'got' meditation, i mean i did it, as prescribed by my zen master et al, but i never could seem to understand or achieve the thoughtless state. Then with tapping I realized that the thoughts passing were needing to be 'acknowledged' before they would carry less weight, and that probably it would be a long time of the acknowledgment part of the process before i could truly experience the emptiness, but with all things considered, thats not a bad thing, so i rest more comfortably rather than resist my thoughts. just that some attitudes are difficult, so deeply embedded as to be almost subconscious but with the tapping, i have been able to dredge out some surprising often comical and sometimes seriously erroneous things, and yet take them all in stride.
by the way, the new design is nice!

Adrienne Johnson said...

Glad you like the new look! I think it is better, too, but could still use a bit of tweaking. I'll get around to it, eventually.

Funny you bring up tapping. I have no knowledge of EFT, although I have heard of it (maybe in the O boards?) but for as long as I can remember, I tap the 'third eye' space when I need to concentrate or right in the center of my chest if I have emotions that need to be reigned in. I think it is a natural response for people (some autistic kids will do something similar when they are overwhelmed).