37/365

#5- How Do I Want To Be Different Because I Lived In This World?

It is suggested that I make a list of things I want to do while I am alive. I used to have a list of things I wanted to do- travel, go to medical school, learn to paint in France... Nowadays, I don't have much of a list. I am not sure what I want, with the exception of a few things

1) Touch a glacier. A big glacier. Preferably I would like to kayak up to a great, huge glacier and touch it.

2) I would like to travel in Italy by myself. Not the whole country, per se, but a few cities that I could spend some time in and be a part of for a brief time. I would like to be "Adrienne" in an Italian city, not "Cameron's Mom" or "James' Wife" in an Italian city.

3) Go to Graduate School and actually know something about something. No stupid Business degree, though.

I hope that by the time I die that I am a larger person than I am now. A grander person. Someone who has seen life in all its permutations and wants to see more. A person who is alive until I am dead.

32/365

#3- Why worry?

While I can be counted on to be the Voice of Doom, I am not a worrier. At some point when I was very young I found out that worrying was not worth the energy, especially when there was a world full of worrisome crap swirling around me for most of my childhood. I knew that thinking about something endlessly would not make it happen.

"Why feel defeated?" would be a better question for me. Feeling like I am a failure, defeated, whatever word you can put in there, is where I get tripped up. It isn't the failure that I find difficult, it is the feeling of failure I need to work on.

Where do we pick this stuff up from?

30/365

I have run upon 20 questions that I am supposed to ask myself. Sure. Why not? One a day for the next 20 days then.

#1- What Questions Should I Be Asking Myself?

I suppose it depends on the situation, but in this greater life sense I will have to think about it a bit. One thing is clear, I need to question my current path. I have become a drifter and seem to be floating in an eddy . Sometimes a little drifting gives you the rest you need to paddle back out into the current, but sometimes you get stuck in the mud of the shallows and you have to get out and push to get going again.

Am I where I am supposed to be? Am I letting myself bob along the edge of the river so long I am becoming skittish about diving back in? Are some of the things I see coming things I am trying to hide from? When was the last time I really engaged the world around me in an energetic and truly enthusiastic manner?

Those seem like enough questions for today. There will be others tomorrow. I will find myself doing something that will require new questions to be answered.