Since I started the more formal leg of my spiritual journey, I have heard the term 'mental construct' a lot. Many groups use this teaching- Sufi, Buddhist... it is used to describe just about all of life, from what I can see. Many teachings point to the 'illusion' that we interpret as life- that there is no difference between a tree a light bulb a person because all are different manifestations of energy (which is what it is).
Sometimes this is a comforting thought. There are times when feeling a strong and direct connection to everything around me is very centering . These beliefs allow me to stay focused in times and situations that are chaotic and stressful. If all around me is joined in this manner then my unpleasant moment will pass to something better to keep the balance that all of nature, all energy requires to be stable (to get really complicated, I suppose this could be a good explanation for impermanence- what I have must change in order to keep balance for all).
Were I to say that I spend all of my time in this thought state, I would be telling one whopper of a lie. Quite frankly, if I can remember this once a week I am doing pretty well. Most of the time I am nicely wrapped up in thoughts of how my own little packet of Universal energy is plodding through life. For now, I find that my exploration into the inner workings of the spiritual universe are most successfully undertaken by looking into my little part of it- me (which, by the by, is why I think we have physical forms- so that we can explore through them).
Since the beginning of the year I have started many projects. All of them were begun for various reasons, most quite mundane, and almost all of them have ended up becoming integral parts of this exploration. Changing my diet to almost completely local food, riding my bike instead of my car, working less to be at home more, writing... have all become indispensable aspects of this journey. I have become highly unattracted to processed food, not because of its deleterious effects on my health, anywhere near as much because you can taste that it has no soul. Not driving my car puts me in a place where I have to rely on my physicality and spirit to get me where I am going (oil use reduction is a pretty good perk, though). Writing this blog forces me to focus my thoughts, which is good because I have serious monkey brain and it can get in the way.
The one thing I do these days that brings me down the road to 'enlightenment', is photography. Aside from the fact that taking pictures of things gives you a different perspective on them, I am learning that taking pictures of myself can open up the way I 'see' me. Starting on New Year's Day, I began a '365 Days Project' in which I have to take a picture of myself, every day, for a year. I had heard of and seen other people's projects before, but my decision to embark on a project myself was very spontaneous and unplanned. I am now on Day 91, which is about 85 days longer than I thought I would get. What I have shot and what I have seen have been very surprising and disarming. Many feelings I have harboured on a number of subjects have become subject to tremendous change or outright rejection. Mostly, I have found a sense of peace with my physical being that I have not had for quite a long time. There are fewer 'flaws' to see and more life and personality. I find way less to find fault with, and more to be happy about- all because I am taking pictures of myself, which is way cheaper than therapy!
Sometimes that old voice nags at me about some silly aspect of myself- too many stretch marks, skin that is starting to look like is almost 40... The voice of 'the man behind the curtain', that silly ego that wants to cause unhappiness to keep its self busy. Ignore him, go mug for the camera!
My 365 pictures
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Just Like Riding A Bike
Today was 'Bike Rodeo' day at my daughter's elementary school. The YMCA brought out a ton of bikes and helmets for the kids to ride, and spent a couple of hours teaching the kids riding skills they can use on the streets- looking over your shoulder without swerving, sudden stops, right of way... Overall, perhaps one of the more potentially useful lessons these kids will learn this week. I was so happy to see them learning something practical and basic, something kids learned just by being on the block when I was a kid.
Despite my joy at seeing the kids riding around, there were more than a few moments in the morning where the kids were being fed fear rather than knowledge. Right at the beginning, the helmets went on. While I do not wear a helmet (please don't write me to tell me I am crazy- I have my reasons and they are fine for me), I have no problem with others wearing them and insist that my children do, if for nothing else than to keep them from scraping up their faces when they stack- I do not think they will provide any protection in the case of major collisions (again, I have my opinion on this, you have yours- leave it at that). As the instructors fitted the kids with various helmets, I heard one of them telling the kids "this helmet will save your life". Not 'could save your life' or 'will keep you from scraping your face if you fall'- the kids were told, with absolute conviction, that their lives would absolutely be saved. By implication, the instructors sounded as though they knew that today would be the day that death came to visit my daughter's class and that these plastic buckets would fend off the scythe of the Grim Reaper.
So right off the bat, the kids are being conditioned to accept other people limiting their choices and ability to reason through situations by instilling fear as the basis for decision making. As my presence in this class was to take pictures of the kids learning how to ride, I was not in a position to say anything about it, nor was it an appropriate forum for that discussion. But it got me to thinking about how often our kids are controlled by fear, mostly because the adults are all living in fear. Fear of pedophiles and trans fats and lead paint and underachievement and delayed speech and public schools... have turned parents and teachers into peddlers of fear and anxiety. Children who are never allowed out of eyeshot of an adult grow up to be teenagers who can not be off the electronic leash of phones and computers with everyone they know for fear of not being connected to everything at all times.
The worst part is we have marketed this as cool. Fear of the world has become fashionable! Instead of facing our demons we have made them the fodder for talk shows, the basis of indoor play spaces with monitors at the ready with antibacterial wipes, the warning label on matchboxes telling us the contents are flammable. We have made being weak and frightened the epitome of 'fitting in'. We have allowed something as simple and basic as riding a childhood bike to become an activity that calls into question our parenting if we do something as radical as let kids just get on with it and have fun.
How do we turn back the clock on this? Is there a way to teach others the joy of simply allowing the moment to be what it is without catastrophizing it? To 'go with the flow', so to speak. Can we stop this before we paralyze our children's future, a future where they will need to be creative and fearless and brazen on a level most of us have never known? My goodness, I hope so, because we have fallen off and we need to get back on the bike of life without fear for the sake of our kids and ourselves.
Despite my joy at seeing the kids riding around, there were more than a few moments in the morning where the kids were being fed fear rather than knowledge. Right at the beginning, the helmets went on. While I do not wear a helmet (please don't write me to tell me I am crazy- I have my reasons and they are fine for me), I have no problem with others wearing them and insist that my children do, if for nothing else than to keep them from scraping up their faces when they stack- I do not think they will provide any protection in the case of major collisions (again, I have my opinion on this, you have yours- leave it at that). As the instructors fitted the kids with various helmets, I heard one of them telling the kids "this helmet will save your life". Not 'could save your life' or 'will keep you from scraping your face if you fall'- the kids were told, with absolute conviction, that their lives would absolutely be saved. By implication, the instructors sounded as though they knew that today would be the day that death came to visit my daughter's class and that these plastic buckets would fend off the scythe of the Grim Reaper.
So right off the bat, the kids are being conditioned to accept other people limiting their choices and ability to reason through situations by instilling fear as the basis for decision making. As my presence in this class was to take pictures of the kids learning how to ride, I was not in a position to say anything about it, nor was it an appropriate forum for that discussion. But it got me to thinking about how often our kids are controlled by fear, mostly because the adults are all living in fear. Fear of pedophiles and trans fats and lead paint and underachievement and delayed speech and public schools... have turned parents and teachers into peddlers of fear and anxiety. Children who are never allowed out of eyeshot of an adult grow up to be teenagers who can not be off the electronic leash of phones and computers with everyone they know for fear of not being connected to everything at all times.The worst part is we have marketed this as cool. Fear of the world has become fashionable! Instead of facing our demons we have made them the fodder for talk shows, the basis of indoor play spaces with monitors at the ready with antibacterial wipes, the warning label on matchboxes telling us the contents are flammable. We have made being weak and frightened the epitome of 'fitting in'. We have allowed something as simple and basic as riding a childhood bike to become an activity that calls into question our parenting if we do something as radical as let kids just get on with it and have fun.
How do we turn back the clock on this? Is there a way to teach others the joy of simply allowing the moment to be what it is without catastrophizing it? To 'go with the flow', so to speak. Can we stop this before we paralyze our children's future, a future where they will need to be creative and fearless and brazen on a level most of us have never known? My goodness, I hope so, because we have fallen off and we need to get back on the bike of life without fear for the sake of our kids and ourselves.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
A River Runs Through Us
It has come to my attention that perhaps I should write more often. I always have great ideas at just the point that I have no time! Which on some cosmic level probably means something profound, but in the mundane pursuit of daily life means I don't get much writing done. So, today, I will grab the bull by the keypad and get down to business.
As a result of no longer driving to work, I find I have time to read while I am on BART. Even if riding a bike did nothing else for me, the fact that it has given me back my daily reading time would be enough to keep me pedaling. This week I have been rereading "A River Runs Through It" by Norman Maclean. I would have never guessed that something so beautiful could be written about fly fishing. Nor would I guess that all of the parts of life could be encompassed in such a simple story.
Every time you tell a story, it changes and it is the same when you read a story. Each time it takes on a different tone and you find something else in it. I find, this time, that I am paying a great deal of attention to the words and structure of the story and in doing so, discovered a passage that I had not caught in previous readings-
"But I knew a story had begun, perhaps long ago near the sound of water. And I sensed that ahead I would meet something that would never erode so there would be a sharp turn, deep circles, a deposit, and quietness."
How many times have I just known that something was about to be very different without anything else being terribly out of place? We have all felt that at one time or another- an absolute knowledge that everything is about to change, and like a river crashing through a gorge, there is no stopping it. The one thing that seems to never show in this is the magnitude of what becomes the non-eroding object that redirects the river. What chance encounter or impulse purchase or random book could be that thing that redirects the rest to come?
As I sit here looking at the events around me, it is obvious that we are all in midst of great change. Beyond that, I feel there is something else on the horizon that will redirect the river that is our life- a non-erodible object that will force us to turn and swirl and drop what came before in order to continue downstream.
As a result of no longer driving to work, I find I have time to read while I am on BART. Even if riding a bike did nothing else for me, the fact that it has given me back my daily reading time would be enough to keep me pedaling. This week I have been rereading "A River Runs Through It" by Norman Maclean. I would have never guessed that something so beautiful could be written about fly fishing. Nor would I guess that all of the parts of life could be encompassed in such a simple story.
Every time you tell a story, it changes and it is the same when you read a story. Each time it takes on a different tone and you find something else in it. I find, this time, that I am paying a great deal of attention to the words and structure of the story and in doing so, discovered a passage that I had not caught in previous readings-
"But I knew a story had begun, perhaps long ago near the sound of water. And I sensed that ahead I would meet something that would never erode so there would be a sharp turn, deep circles, a deposit, and quietness."
How many times have I just known that something was about to be very different without anything else being terribly out of place? We have all felt that at one time or another- an absolute knowledge that everything is about to change, and like a river crashing through a gorge, there is no stopping it. The one thing that seems to never show in this is the magnitude of what becomes the non-eroding object that redirects the river. What chance encounter or impulse purchase or random book could be that thing that redirects the rest to come?
As I sit here looking at the events around me, it is obvious that we are all in midst of great change. Beyond that, I feel there is something else on the horizon that will redirect the river that is our life- a non-erodible object that will force us to turn and swirl and drop what came before in order to continue downstream.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Convictions
Here is what I am contemplating these days- how do you live your convictions? Truly, if you think about some of the things that you believe to be important, do you live by those beliefs? At the least, are you trying to get to a place where you could?
I believe a lot of things- charity is good, cars should be used sparingly, patience with children is necessary, eating meat is questionable, recycling should always happen.... How much of this do I live? I yell at my kids, I eat meat, I rarely give to charity (I do not feel that donating unused clothing to Goodwill to be charity). On the upside, I recycle everything I can and I drive very little (sometimes not at all for days at a time). None of these are big things, they should all be doable without breaking a sweat, and yet I do not do them all.
So how do people follow through with the big things? How do monks live a life of celibacy? How do people keep hunger strikes? Or closer to home, how do I live my life in a way that elevates the lives of others instead of exploiting the random nature of geography or political climate? Is it enough to grow my own food (I don't, yet)? If I buy my clothes second hand does this really help?
Could I give someone a kidney? Hell, could I cut off my hair to make wigs for cancer patients? I have difficulty giving my time. In fact, I hate it. For as long as I can remember I have been very protectionist of my time, and yet my time is probably my most valuable asset. My time is the one thing I have that could probably make a real difference in the world around me. When I think of devoting that time to school groups or neighborhood societies or charity walk-a-thons I start to get nervous- my time given to others who have expectations to live up to and rules to follow. In some ways, it would be easier to give a kidney- a finite event that has a distinct beginning and a distinct end after which I am no longer needed.
Were someone to ask me if I feel that I am a 'good' person, I would have to admit to being on the fence with that concept. Can I apply that concept to myself in the face of what is obviously quite self-serving behavior on my part? Whether I should even try to apply it or not is a completely different conversation and I am not going there, tonight.
Perhaps I do live by my convictions- I will extend myself only so far for the benefit of others and the world. So then, I have to decide if I am comfortable with my convictions. Are you? A conundrum to be sure.
I believe a lot of things- charity is good, cars should be used sparingly, patience with children is necessary, eating meat is questionable, recycling should always happen.... How much of this do I live? I yell at my kids, I eat meat, I rarely give to charity (I do not feel that donating unused clothing to Goodwill to be charity). On the upside, I recycle everything I can and I drive very little (sometimes not at all for days at a time). None of these are big things, they should all be doable without breaking a sweat, and yet I do not do them all.
So how do people follow through with the big things? How do monks live a life of celibacy? How do people keep hunger strikes? Or closer to home, how do I live my life in a way that elevates the lives of others instead of exploiting the random nature of geography or political climate? Is it enough to grow my own food (I don't, yet)? If I buy my clothes second hand does this really help?
Could I give someone a kidney? Hell, could I cut off my hair to make wigs for cancer patients? I have difficulty giving my time. In fact, I hate it. For as long as I can remember I have been very protectionist of my time, and yet my time is probably my most valuable asset. My time is the one thing I have that could probably make a real difference in the world around me. When I think of devoting that time to school groups or neighborhood societies or charity walk-a-thons I start to get nervous- my time given to others who have expectations to live up to and rules to follow. In some ways, it would be easier to give a kidney- a finite event that has a distinct beginning and a distinct end after which I am no longer needed.
Were someone to ask me if I feel that I am a 'good' person, I would have to admit to being on the fence with that concept. Can I apply that concept to myself in the face of what is obviously quite self-serving behavior on my part? Whether I should even try to apply it or not is a completely different conversation and I am not going there, tonight.
Perhaps I do live by my convictions- I will extend myself only so far for the benefit of others and the world. So then, I have to decide if I am comfortable with my convictions. Are you? A conundrum to be sure.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Bat & The Blazer
Today I am straying a bit from the spiritual path, although, not from the space of seeing the world differently. Maybe that is all 'spirituality' really is, anyway. 'Seeing' from a different place.
While I was out getting coffee today (thank God I have older kids that can watch the younger one for a bit while I sneak out!) I hadn't payed much attention to where I parked my bike. It is the same place I always park. The neighborhood my coffee shop is in is very quiet and all I need is my built on rear wheel lock to keep my bike safe. Several times a week you can see my bike parked there. Today it was parked next to a Chevy Blazer- a ubiquitous 'family' vehicle these days.
As I looked at my bike next to the Blazer, I could really see how much has changed since I started riding as my primary means of transportation. The way I look at cars, and moving from place to place and what I can do under my own power is much different than it was two years ago.
From a pure numbers perspective, there is no argument as to which makes more sense in this economy. Assuming the car is a 2005 model, the average cost, new, averaged about $20,000 once all the various 'options' were included (did you know, on pickup trucks tailgates and bumpers are optional?). While getting exact numbers for insurance on this vehicle are difficult, my family pays $2800 a year to comprehensively insure one car and minimally insure a second. The Blazer of 2005 averaged 15.5 miles per gallon (although I think that is highway MPG, not city). If it has a 20 gallon tank, that is $84 a tank to go 310 miles (back when gas was $4.20 a gallon a couple of months ago. It will be back there, soon). With actual MPG, that is probably more like 250 miles with traffic and load involved, less if the driving was stop start and mostly in the city. Maintenance costs should be applied here, as well. There are others who calculate these things. We can throw in the 3 or 4 parking tickets that this driver can expect to get this year, as well as the other parking fees that will crop up over time.
My Batavus was a pricey bike- $1700 MSRP, although, I only paid $1000 for it. My upgrades to it, to make it more usable (and more comfortable) have cost $385 and have included my panniers and child safety seat. I will never get parking tickets on it, and I keep it in my garage (unlike most cars, including my own). All of it's maintenance is done by either myself or my husband and thus only costs the price of parts. I have put about 1000 miles on it since the beginning of October 2009 (despite a hiatus from riding due to hand surgery), no gasoline. In that time I have lost 13 pounds, and thus, have to buy a new wardrobe (my largest expense since beginning my bicycle commuting odyssey). This weight loss will ultimately keep my health insurance costs down as it keeps my blood pressure and cholesterol down, not to mention keeps my mood up . I buy gasoline so infrequently that I forget when the last time was.
Both of these vehicles are used to transport children. My youngest son rides on a heavy duty seat on the back of my bike. When I am driving my car, I find it difficult to talk to my kids- there is competition from the radio and the road noise and the traffic.... When we are bicycling together, we all get to appreciate our surroundings and my little one chatters away to all of us about what he sees. We stop when we need to, to rest or see something that has caught our eye. Today, we stopped to take pictures of the rain clouds we have been hoping for in San Francisco. In looking for easier routes to our various destinations, we have seen all kinds of things we never do when driving. We have discovered many new adventures on two wheels. In the car, we drive. Period. As a bonus, all of the riding has taught the kids how much work it takes to do things right and the satisfaction that comes with it. There is also no car sickness on a bike.
Driving is usually the faster option, and in a time crunch, is the choice I will make. I have, however, come to love the slower pace of my bike and find I do not mind having to give myself more time to get places as the journey has become so much more pleasant. There is no doubt that I am a more pleasant person on my bike than in my car, as well as happier on arrival.
All of this extends to my family, as well. Transportation is no longer a factor of who will drive. Getting where we need to go is now a family endeavor where everyone takes part. Decisions about how to get where we are going are made as much by the kids as they are by the parents. The needs of the group must be considered. We have to make sure that each of us is able to tackle the path we have chosen and be flexible enough to change mid-path if needed.
From a purely practical perspective, choosing to ride my bike is an obvious one- less expensive, greater fitness, easier storage, less maintenance, lower environmental impact, no oil..... but the greatest benefits, to me, are of a more personal nature and have little to do with practicality. Riding a bike is social and completely experiential. Every time I ride, I am engaged completely with my surroundings and I experience everything (sights, smells, weather, sounds, even emotions) without the filter of a windshield and roll cage. Instead of plowing through the world without touching anything but leather interior, I am an active part of everything around me, and thus, I feel more alive and engaged in the world. Getting around has become a goal in and of its self.
Isn't that what life is supposed to be? A journey whose point is to simply be as it is. Maybe to enjoy the bumps and the wrong turns and the diverted paths.
So then the question becomes, does the owner of the Blazer spend time thinking about how to drive more? Does she write blogs about her car? Is she busy with a second job to make the payments?
While I was out getting coffee today (thank God I have older kids that can watch the younger one for a bit while I sneak out!) I hadn't payed much attention to where I parked my bike. It is the same place I always park. The neighborhood my coffee shop is in is very quiet and all I need is my built on rear wheel lock to keep my bike safe. Several times a week you can see my bike parked there. Today it was parked next to a Chevy Blazer- a ubiquitous 'family' vehicle these days.
As I looked at my bike next to the Blazer, I could really see how much has changed since I started riding as my primary means of transportation. The way I look at cars, and moving from place to place and what I can do under my own power is much different than it was two years ago.
From a pure numbers perspective, there is no argument as to which makes more sense in this economy. Assuming the car is a 2005 model, the average cost, new, averaged about $20,000 once all the various 'options' were included (did you know, on pickup trucks tailgates and bumpers are optional?). While getting exact numbers for insurance on this vehicle are difficult, my family pays $2800 a year to comprehensively insure one car and minimally insure a second. The Blazer of 2005 averaged 15.5 miles per gallon (although I think that is highway MPG, not city). If it has a 20 gallon tank, that is $84 a tank to go 310 miles (back when gas was $4.20 a gallon a couple of months ago. It will be back there, soon). With actual MPG, that is probably more like 250 miles with traffic and load involved, less if the driving was stop start and mostly in the city. Maintenance costs should be applied here, as well. There are others who calculate these things. We can throw in the 3 or 4 parking tickets that this driver can expect to get this year, as well as the other parking fees that will crop up over time.
My Batavus was a pricey bike- $1700 MSRP, although, I only paid $1000 for it. My upgrades to it, to make it more usable (and more comfortable) have cost $385 and have included my panniers and child safety seat. I will never get parking tickets on it, and I keep it in my garage (unlike most cars, including my own). All of it's maintenance is done by either myself or my husband and thus only costs the price of parts. I have put about 1000 miles on it since the beginning of October 2009 (despite a hiatus from riding due to hand surgery), no gasoline. In that time I have lost 13 pounds, and thus, have to buy a new wardrobe (my largest expense since beginning my bicycle commuting odyssey). This weight loss will ultimately keep my health insurance costs down as it keeps my blood pressure and cholesterol down, not to mention keeps my mood up . I buy gasoline so infrequently that I forget when the last time was.
Both of these vehicles are used to transport children. My youngest son rides on a heavy duty seat on the back of my bike. When I am driving my car, I find it difficult to talk to my kids- there is competition from the radio and the road noise and the traffic.... When we are bicycling together, we all get to appreciate our surroundings and my little one chatters away to all of us about what he sees. We stop when we need to, to rest or see something that has caught our eye. Today, we stopped to take pictures of the rain clouds we have been hoping for in San Francisco. In looking for easier routes to our various destinations, we have seen all kinds of things we never do when driving. We have discovered many new adventures on two wheels. In the car, we drive. Period. As a bonus, all of the riding has taught the kids how much work it takes to do things right and the satisfaction that comes with it. There is also no car sickness on a bike.
Driving is usually the faster option, and in a time crunch, is the choice I will make. I have, however, come to love the slower pace of my bike and find I do not mind having to give myself more time to get places as the journey has become so much more pleasant. There is no doubt that I am a more pleasant person on my bike than in my car, as well as happier on arrival.
All of this extends to my family, as well. Transportation is no longer a factor of who will drive. Getting where we need to go is now a family endeavor where everyone takes part. Decisions about how to get where we are going are made as much by the kids as they are by the parents. The needs of the group must be considered. We have to make sure that each of us is able to tackle the path we have chosen and be flexible enough to change mid-path if needed.
From a purely practical perspective, choosing to ride my bike is an obvious one- less expensive, greater fitness, easier storage, less maintenance, lower environmental impact, no oil..... but the greatest benefits, to me, are of a more personal nature and have little to do with practicality. Riding a bike is social and completely experiential. Every time I ride, I am engaged completely with my surroundings and I experience everything (sights, smells, weather, sounds, even emotions) without the filter of a windshield and roll cage. Instead of plowing through the world without touching anything but leather interior, I am an active part of everything around me, and thus, I feel more alive and engaged in the world. Getting around has become a goal in and of its self.
Isn't that what life is supposed to be? A journey whose point is to simply be as it is. Maybe to enjoy the bumps and the wrong turns and the diverted paths.
So then the question becomes, does the owner of the Blazer spend time thinking about how to drive more? Does she write blogs about her car? Is she busy with a second job to make the payments?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Brave New World
Did you have to read Aldous Huxley in high school? I had to read 'Brave New World'. It was disturbing and not well covered by my not so great Junior year English teacher. Over the last 20 years, I have thought about all those babies in jars being acclimatized to future lives in mines or deserts. The ultimate in social engineering. Combined with '1984' and 'Animal Farm', Huxley and Orwell provided me with a distrust of technology, authority, ignorance and fear of the hell that is created when those things combine.
So here we are, and maybe there really is a brave, new world that we have come to that I don't have to distrust and worry over. Yes, there is much that points to us being in the proverbial hand basket. There is a whole blog of examples I could wrote about that (although I think 'No Impact Man' does that quite well enough.) but from my perspective, there is so much out there that points to the flowering of a society that 'gets it'. There are so many people who are questioning technology, authority and ignorance to make small but profound changes in their lives- growing their own food, choosing neighborhood public schools, listening to music from other countries (never under estimate the power of that, it is where rock and roll came from and the Beatles changed the world), riding bikes to get to work, writing blogs ....
Most importantly, voting for leaders based on the content of their characters, and not the colour of their skins (or shape of their genitalia, for that matter). The world is on the cusp of something, and those who fear it the most are the ones who fight the hardest to stop it (what else could explain the Middle East?). We are racing forward at a sickening pace, I call it accelerated evolution, but sometimes it feels more like the sickness that came from too much spinning as a child (I am going to throw up! Let's do it again!). That feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you the roller coaster is about to start the 5G descent that you would stop if given the chance but really want to do through with. The edges are starting to blur, and the wind is starting to howl in our ears- do we shut our eyes and pray for deliverance or do we throw our hands in the air and hope the camera catches us screaming with joy at the scariest part?
Do we close our fists or hold them open in welcome to this brave, new world?
So here we are, and maybe there really is a brave, new world that we have come to that I don't have to distrust and worry over. Yes, there is much that points to us being in the proverbial hand basket. There is a whole blog of examples I could wrote about that (although I think 'No Impact Man' does that quite well enough.) but from my perspective, there is so much out there that points to the flowering of a society that 'gets it'. There are so many people who are questioning technology, authority and ignorance to make small but profound changes in their lives- growing their own food, choosing neighborhood public schools, listening to music from other countries (never under estimate the power of that, it is where rock and roll came from and the Beatles changed the world), riding bikes to get to work, writing blogs ....
Most importantly, voting for leaders based on the content of their characters, and not the colour of their skins (or shape of their genitalia, for that matter). The world is on the cusp of something, and those who fear it the most are the ones who fight the hardest to stop it (what else could explain the Middle East?). We are racing forward at a sickening pace, I call it accelerated evolution, but sometimes it feels more like the sickness that came from too much spinning as a child (I am going to throw up! Let's do it again!). That feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you the roller coaster is about to start the 5G descent that you would stop if given the chance but really want to do through with. The edges are starting to blur, and the wind is starting to howl in our ears- do we shut our eyes and pray for deliverance or do we throw our hands in the air and hope the camera catches us screaming with joy at the scariest part?
Do we close our fists or hold them open in welcome to this brave, new world?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Not Face to Face(book)
Just the other day, I was finally convinced to join Facebook. My friend tempted me with embarrassing pictures from high school that she refused to show me unless I joined up. Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for this kind of thing. The prospect of seeing just how skinny I was comes in a distant second to wanting to know who in the world would have a picture of me? I don't remember people taking pictures of me, I wasn't the kind of person you took pictures of, whatever that kind of person was. It isn't until quite recently that pictures of me have become common place (and quite frankly, I take most of them myself).
I am utterly confounded by Facebook.
All of those people from the past suddenly at my fingertips. What does one say to all of them? Through this journey of mine I have discovered that I have very little to say. To now have to come up with something to say to so many people is daunting. We haven't seen one another in years and in some cases, decades, but that does not mean there are decades of things to talk about. When you reconnect with people for the first time since the Bush Sr. administration, what exactly do you lead with? There have been careers begun and ended, new careers embarked upon, returns to college, marriages, divorces, children, illnesses... it is a lot to cover with one person, let alone an internet full of them! When does it become too much information and too large an audience? Too interactive?
I started to think about this blog. Is this too much? Most likely not as I suspect I am the only one reading it at this point (feel free to prove me wrong on that!). There is no limit to what I can write here, no editor other than the inner one. I only have to say something once and as many people as deign to stop here can read it without any more energy output from me. One person can ask me a question, and all the others can read my response. I can flush out an idea and explore it fully, without interruption, whereas on Facebook, everything seems to come in fragments of speech and interrupted thoughts interjected at random intervals. It takes a lot of concentration to see past the icons and declarations of 'friendship' and invitations to take quizzes about 'What Kind of Woman Are You' (apparently I am kind and compassionate but allow others to stomp on my feelings, uhm, yeah.).
All of this leads me to wonder what inter- relating to people is coming to mean? People tell me about how easy it is to keep up with people by logging on to social networking websites, but how much are we really experiencing? Who puts up truthful, multidimensional, fully realized information about themselves on a website? We edit what people see by only posting the 'good' picture. Who really talks about the hideous argument they got into with their spouse and instead gloss over it by posting about this weekend's cocktail party? Who has a cup of sugar on the internet? There are no pictures of my heinous stretch marks out there!
I keep walking away from Facebook, puzzled and somewhat lost, even though it is populated by many, many dozens of people I know. My 'conversations' with them, feel hollow and without the vitality of our face to face interactions. More like relationships with word blips than the individuals who wrote them.
Perhaps I am simply outdated. Will I ever feel comfortable in this medium?
I am utterly confounded by Facebook.
All of those people from the past suddenly at my fingertips. What does one say to all of them? Through this journey of mine I have discovered that I have very little to say. To now have to come up with something to say to so many people is daunting. We haven't seen one another in years and in some cases, decades, but that does not mean there are decades of things to talk about. When you reconnect with people for the first time since the Bush Sr. administration, what exactly do you lead with? There have been careers begun and ended, new careers embarked upon, returns to college, marriages, divorces, children, illnesses... it is a lot to cover with one person, let alone an internet full of them! When does it become too much information and too large an audience? Too interactive?
I started to think about this blog. Is this too much? Most likely not as I suspect I am the only one reading it at this point (feel free to prove me wrong on that!). There is no limit to what I can write here, no editor other than the inner one. I only have to say something once and as many people as deign to stop here can read it without any more energy output from me. One person can ask me a question, and all the others can read my response. I can flush out an idea and explore it fully, without interruption, whereas on Facebook, everything seems to come in fragments of speech and interrupted thoughts interjected at random intervals. It takes a lot of concentration to see past the icons and declarations of 'friendship' and invitations to take quizzes about 'What Kind of Woman Are You' (apparently I am kind and compassionate but allow others to stomp on my feelings, uhm, yeah.).
All of this leads me to wonder what inter- relating to people is coming to mean? People tell me about how easy it is to keep up with people by logging on to social networking websites, but how much are we really experiencing? Who puts up truthful, multidimensional, fully realized information about themselves on a website? We edit what people see by only posting the 'good' picture. Who really talks about the hideous argument they got into with their spouse and instead gloss over it by posting about this weekend's cocktail party? Who has a cup of sugar on the internet? There are no pictures of my heinous stretch marks out there!
I keep walking away from Facebook, puzzled and somewhat lost, even though it is populated by many, many dozens of people I know. My 'conversations' with them, feel hollow and without the vitality of our face to face interactions. More like relationships with word blips than the individuals who wrote them.
Perhaps I am simply outdated. Will I ever feel comfortable in this medium?
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