Focus Required

Life is complicated. The essence of life is not, but the act of living certainly is. No matter how much we "simplify", no matter how much we "unclutter" the simple act of living becomes a complicated affair that never seems to resolve its self in a consistently pleasing manner. Somehow, just making sure that the kids get to the dentist at least once in the year and making dinner everyday and paying the bills and avoiding another parking ticket and finding a job and learning how to adapt to a new life while trying to get another new life going.... means that much slips by without being noticed.

Tonight, I was all wound up in my own head on my way to pick up the youngest beast from preschool. There seem to be so many things to get wound up about right now. Because I had a bunch of things to do at home, I decided to drive to cut down on commute time, and most likely on a subconscious level, so that I could let my head spin around like a top (I can't do that on my bicycle. The slow pace and total sensory involvement are wonderful for calming the mind). As I drove, I noticed that all the other drivers I could see looked like they were in the same position I was in- distracted, anxious, frustrated, mildly overwhelmed. This, of course, started my already mildly frantic monkey mind to jump on the the tangent of the state of the world and how challenged we all are to just get through the day.

As I drove over the crest of 28th Ave I had to look to the left before I entered the intersection, and there was the most beautiful sunset. The ocean was dusky with simply amazing swirls of purple in the shadow of the swells. The haze from the crashing waves was rose pink and blue. The clouds trailed across the sky in swathes of colour and depth, the kind of clouds you want to sleep on.

I turned the car around so I could just watch it all. As I sat there, I came to realize there was an owl in the tree across the street. The bird was hidden from me, but I could hear it. Listening made me wonder if the owl was talking about the amazing view we had in front of us.

In the distance, there was a small fishing boat heading back toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Back to dock, home. I always feel close to the image of the lone, small boat on the sea. They always seem so beautiful and full of the potential to teach something.

I watched the sky change and the water crash. I listened to the owl in the tree. I stopped spinning. No matter what crashes around me or what sinister twist I put on any situation, there is always a miraculous sky over the vast sea that is unaffected by my petty dramas and anxieties. There is forever at my side a manifestation of truth. I am only part of a greater whole which exists with or without me.

The only question left is whether I am willing to let that be enough?