Monday, July 21, 2008

Expectations

Without noticing it, you too may be suffering from the myriad ways in which expectations can undermine your life. I call it the tyranny of expectations. They plague your daily life, causing you to be irritable, disappointed, and disillusioned. Many times they lead you to say unkind words, act unskillfully, or make poor decisions. Expectations are so insidious that you can persist in maintaining them even after you have clear evidence that they are unfounded.- excerpt from an article by Philip Moffitt

I read this the other day. Good food for thought. Expectations go hand in hand with assumptions, both more than happy to make asses of us all.

What are the expectations that I have that are sabotaging me? It is difficult to say, especially as I have to really think about what expectations I have of any type. Waking up tomorrow morning probably ranks up there pretty high. Not sure that I am blocked from making progress in life by that assumption, though. Some level of assuredness that tomorrow will in fact arrive with me as a passenger is required to have a certain base level of structure in my personal day. Without that faith, why clean the bathroom?

Here is a good one! I expect myself to be open to others. Am I? Nope. It drives me crazy when someone doesn't get it, whatever the 'it' is. This does not mean I want others to agree with me, only that I want them to show some understanding and growth in the subject (of course this is based on my opinion of what growth and understanding are). This is something that can make interpersonal communication difficult (the attraction of the blog- one way monologue).

How do you get rid of expectations? Is it even possible? I expect that it is.

4 comments:

Kalsee said...

Hi Adrienne...

"How do you get rid of expectations? Is it even possible? I expect that it is."

Very good article by Moffitt, BTW. I try to replace expectations with possibilities…I make lists and have projects, but am flexible to the present and the changes that come my way…when it rains for example, I just change with the weather and do indoor things that are on my list of possibilities.

If I seem to be in a rut and having a period of bad luck, I just look at it as gaining experience and building character.

One game that helped me to get rid of expectations and think more in terms of possibilities, is the game of golf…this game will magnify your character traits, or lack there of, and teach you how to accept change and think and act in the present…if you want to improve that is. In order to succeed at golf you have to stay focused on the present and dismiss the previous bad shot (which is impossible for me to avoid..lol); otherwise, you will just continue to get worse if your expectations don’t materialize and you allow yourself to turn to frustration and anger…bill

feralkat said...

that's so true adrienne and presented inside-mind epiphanies in an easygoing but pokerfaced edgy humor way, open, open you say, i dunno, i'll have to try it, don't wanna break a law against being shy, didn't ET define shyness as something selfish? pooh. i still think the right to privacy trumps all of the mandates of social conduct, lol.

Adrienne Johnson said...

I have tried golf. I was kicked off the green because I was ripping up the turf too much! I couldn't hit that damn ball for nothin'! I have considered trying again, because I hate failure. If I ever get to a place where I can figure out which cushion to sit on, maybe I'll be able to hit the ball (into the rough, I am sure!).

Kalsee said...

Hi Adriene,
"I couldn't hit that damn ball for nothin'! I have considered trying again, because I hate failure."

When we embrace failure with the same space and quiet confidence that we embrace success, then we’re on the proper path, IMV. This is not to say that we seek hard times or failure, but that we don’t resist them or get drawn into them.

The same goes for joining collective organizations to gain personal validation…if this is some kind of a need or expectation, then we have more work to do. This again is not to say we don’t necessarily avoid joining groups, but that we’re just as secure within ourselves whether we’re in a group or totally alone…IMV…Bill